i need to get these down before it's too late...

dream 1.

the first part related to my mom buying the house across the street. and it seemed it seemed it represented letting go of an accomplishment or something that was thought to be needed, because the next day she purposely walked to into the middle of the house even though she knew what was going to happen. the house collapsed around her. me and my brother rushed to her even though we knew she was ok and the exact spot she stood was the only safe place to be. then the dream switched to my family driving in a big van to visit a friend of my mothers. my dad was driving, and my mom was in the car, and i think my brother and my sister and her husband. although all of them were only there in that dream way of knowing they're there. then we also decided to stop and pick up homeless or needy people. we picked up a big native dude who seemed to be the guardian of this 9 year old boy we also picked up. their personalities we're really fleshed out. the boy said the man was nice except sometimes when he's on the phone he'll get really upset and bash the phone like this, and he demonstrated. the next person we picked up was a homeless 15 year old girl. i had to chase her down and bodily force her to the van, but they said that we can't force her in if she doesn't want to go. so we found a loophole and got her in, and put an infant in her arms, and she calmed down immediately. so we then started driving again to this friend's place. in the dream they lived in paris, ON on top of a big winding cliff. at one point the road was flooded out. so we decided we either need to speed through it so as to not get stuck, or go slow so we don't slide. we sped through, and we slid in slow motion to the edge. and we hung on that edge and i told everyone take off your seatbelts and open the side door. and we plunged into the lake the cliff was over. and i started trying to save everyone. the infant first of course. and then i was too awake to carry the dream on any further.

dream 2.

there are so many little pieces of it floating around in my head, but i don't remember how they line out. the only thing i really remember is that i was on the hamilton cliff scoping out hamilton and i see these guys swinging along roof gutters like monkeys. and they have cripples clinging to them. i was really impressed, so i went to explore where they came from. and it was an upper half of a house that provided charity for needy. and the only way in or out was in this awkward climb through roof tops. there was a girl there that explained it to me. the people that live downstairs don't like them leeching off the hydro and everything but they won't do anything about. and then i forget the numberous other facets of the dream.

dream 3.

i'm anxiously awaiting this dream. the previous 2 were quite detailed. it was better than tv.

http://sabas.jud.as/node/183

right click and download the songs.

i like 'song song song'

and tada, another one. jeff doesn't have a black eye. i just kinda messed up, and i don't care.

long time coming. now the pic is finally up. i never promised immediacy.

Spiders Chords by Lovedrug

CAPO 1

G
Searching on the wire
for a wire,
             Em
for a peace of mind,
                        C
like the spiders in the corners
             G
that are never there,

to the one,
            Em
to the magic sun.
                     C
you're not that bright now,
                        D
but you will be someday soon,
           C                         D
and you will fall in love with the moonlight.
G
So come on,
           Em
come on and say so,
G
come on,
          Em          C        D
come on and say so.
G
If god was on the radio
                   Em
i know he'd say to thee,
                       C
love is spiders on the edge,
                       G
and we're hanging by a thread,
                        Em
connected to the other end of this
                    C
twisted frequency i've spun,
            C
but i don't care,
      D
i'd be happy
         C
if you'd share
  D
your web with me.
G
So come on,
            Em
come on and say so,
G
come on,
          Em
come on and say so
G                   Em
come on, come on and say so

Break:
C        D

Em        G

C         D
                                 Em
Em         G...come on come on and say so


Repeat chorus (G and Em)

'an idea' by me

capo on 5
(D9: 054030)
Em ................... D9................. C
it feels so good to feel again. i'm tingling like blood rushing back into
Em................... D9 .............. C
my numb numb thoughts. uhuh oh uhuh oh uhuh
G ...F#/G ... C
.....................let me cry.
G ... F#/G ...C
.....................the tears are relief,
G ... F#/G... C
......................let them be
G ...F#/G ....C Em
......................understanding.
D
finally standing.
Em .......................................D9 .............................. C
finally leaving undercurrents to the streams that i would sit beside idle. i will walk a million
.............................................Em ....................D9...........................C
miles from where i began. to begin again, to reason that i am. to...

-chorus-
-bridge solo- mostly with D
-chorus-

Em ..................... D9 ........... C
finally let go of that point i got stuck on.
Em
it feels so good to feel again.

more coming soon. a grand opening, a grand facade, a grand face to face the music to. the song playing reminds me of christmas. it is nothing like christmas, but the strange associations we make make everything okay in our thinkings. smooth as apple sauce. smooth as anything blended enough i suppose. we can all become baby food to blend away those worries that a facade could never afford us. we need to get away from ourselves sometimes. who could we be apart from ourselves. reckless nights, and over stressed moments are distractions worth savouring. we need extremes like a pendulum to keep us swinging. if you come too close i might knock you with my arms flinging. you'll know how big my box can be when you know you bruise too easily. i'm sorry i don't mean that, and i promise if you catch me while i'm sleeping you can tie my arms down and get to know me on civil terms. maybe you'll find that without these flailing limbs i can be quite open once you dig in. on second thought, i might not tell you where i sleep. i'm afraid of the ropes you'll use to keep me in my seat.

pictures are fake. i never felt that way. did they feel that way? just wait until we forget this moment and are later reminded of it with paper false memories. reconstruct our bones into something beautiful. haven't we always wanted a pretty lie more than disenchantment. reenact my favorite stance. the last one read wrong, instead long drawn out poses. magazine froze. i'm natural as a gap commercial, now superseded by old navy. what will supersede me? a paper legacy? maybe i shouldn't be so old fashion, we're more emphemeral than that now. a laptop harddrive now holds my life. and some small places in imaginary space. although you still wonder how it can be small when it's imaginary. maybe physical size is still just an illusion, it's the ego that drives us. bruce lee was 5'7. an inch taller than me. i could be something of an inch short of a grand legacy of kicking ass and dying young. i'll try harder next time. or maybe i'll become old and look back at the photographs that paint the picture i thought they should.

these strange maneuvers, twisted, undo me. i've unloaded my gun now. i always thought it would be the worst part. it's rather watching the bullet hit that tears my heart. it moves so fast, it skips the skin, right past the skull to nestle in. between your frontal lobe and your motor skills, i'm sure because you froze still. but i wasn't much better for wear. wondering did i really pull the trigger. was i really there. i'm sure there's a term for it. delusions of war? your mouth is still working around words that aren't coming. my head is still trying to figure out why i need to hear anything at all. silence permeates like a warm breeze. could we forget our worries? could we please. bullet wounds and scattered brains let you forget little of the ever present circumstance. but maybe we can be good thesbians. play like this is normal. enjoy the moment.

Neuroscientists’ research is indicating that patients in a vegetative state may be fully aware of their surroundings, even though they are unable to communicate with individuals. A British-led research team undertook a study on a 23-year-old brain-damaged woman who has been in a “waking coma” since a car accident in July 2005.

The team first took 12 healthy individuals and recorded their brain functions while prompting them to imagine playing tennis, and then to imagine walking around their house. The researchers then asked the brain-damaged woman, who “shows no outward signs of awareness,” to imagine the same activities—playing tennis and walking around her house. Remarkably, the patient “showed strikingly similar patterns of brain activation to those of the healthy volunteers.”

Responding to critics who say the brain activity is just an automatic response to the word “tennis,” the researchers point out that the patient’s brain activity lasted around thirty seconds, and stopped when the researchers told her to “stop and rest”!

define yourself through what you aren't.
realize your breaking point.
achieve it.
touch your toes.
think about what you're thinking about.
after you're done running away, get down to business.
realize what your business is.
become functional.
if that fails, learn how to fake functionality well.
want something really bad.
become badly wanted.
turn this vicious circle to what you need.

every moment you are here it offsets another moment you are not there. every moment you are there offsets every moment you are not here. leaving that second sooner or that second later would mean you're not waiting for that light to change green. you could have missedthat car accident if you talked to him about that. you might have missed seeing that long lost friend if you didn't sleep in. etc.

a cathartic release.
some underlying psychological attachment that hair provides me. cutting it becomes an act of renewal. like the serpant and his skin.
i feel better now.