i'm searching for another korean job right now. and i just saw this as the headline link for one job:

NEW: !!!!!!!!!! EXCLUSIVE Positions ONLY. Are you READY to be BLOWN AWAY by my positions ??

now what kind of job do you think you'd be getting with that?

Here's another batch of pics on my students tests. i got my friend to help me for a couple this time.


my friend chase did this one. www.milkyourmind.com
this student asked for a pic of everyone in class.
these two girls that sit next to each other always ask for pictures of each other in strange ways. this one is of one wearing cat clothes.
this one is of the other wearing rabbit clothes
and here's another one chase did. it's a tiger. strangely, he drew this without seeing this picture:
http://bitsandpieces.us/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/imagesbig-2btiger.jpg

Buddha's Birthday was monday. I forgot my camera. his name is bu-cha-neem in korean. he's 2552 years old.

I went to a temple with tons of people around. there was a small golden boy statue. many people were lined up to pour some water on him. apparently it was buddha as a child, and apparently buddha bathed as a child. so of course everyone ceremoniously does the same to buddha. and the donate some money to do it.

i thought this was odd until i realized that we pay money to put our children on a strange old man's knee and have a picture of it during jesus' birthday.

i went to a restaurant with some friends and we got separate bills. the waiter didn't know our names so written in korean on my bill was ma-run-boon. which roughly translated means the skinny one.

i sabotaged my class today. it was fun. it was almost nihilistic experimentation. but done somewhat cleverly. i started the class with something that i knew would work, i ended the class with something i knew would work, and then the middle was a little chaos to see the ways things wouldn't work. i created 6 individualized assignments, and 6 little groups, and i set them loose so i could know what would and wouldn't work later. it was my method of quickly learning mistakes. it's as if i was a haphazard social scientist that had one day to figure out people's capacity for problem solving. so as this scientist i gave the 6 groups these items:

1.a live grenade
2.an angry skunk
3.a man quickly bleeding to death from a missing leg
4.edward scissorhands on speed
5.a foreign pregnant woman in labour
6.an old naked man peeing on everything

then i quickly documented in my head how each group positively or negatively reacted to each situation. and tada, that's some fast science.

by the way- pretend right now you just received each of the aforementioned problems. so, just imagine, you are sitting right now at your computer, and a live grenade rolls in, or a naked peeing old man walks in. now, for each situation, suggest what you would do.

I've killed 3 birds with one stone. The 3 problems were sometimes being bored at work, not drawing enough, and not creating enough personal relations with the students.

so, when my students got 10/10 on the daily test, I drew a picture on their test. the first time i did this it was ok, but i ran out of ideas for what to draw. so next class i asked my students for suggestions. they said zombies and flowers, and teddy bears and stuff. i drew some of those, but i still didn't know specifically what to give each student. so this last time i said, write on your test what you want me to draw. and when i got the tests it felt like reading a christmas wish list. it was great. some things i drew were: detention, starcraft battlecruiser, an ugly picture of the girl sitting beside them, and here are 3 examples of other things...

a phantom and a zombie duking it out.
a teddy bear and a cat...at lunch time.
a motorcycle...


i think next time i will warn my students that they might not get exactly what they expect.

interesting and useless things to do on the internet...
go to youtube.com, type in a random animal (it could be a fox, a giraffe, a sloth, it doesn't matter) then watch some videos about that animal. it's a personalized, and hackneyed self-serve discovery channel.
i typed in polar bears and i found this...

alright, the video won't load so, here's the link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=JE-Nyt4Bmi8

koreanisms

transportation:
bus- the bus driver yelling at everyone for talking too much. buses are libraries. actually all public modes of transportation are libraries. shhhh.

motorcycles/scooters - as the motorcycle turned the corner, the riders sandal fell off. and as he wheeled his bike back to get the sandal, i thought, forget about lack of helmets, how bout just some proper foot gear. or better yet, how bout not carrying a big metal case in your hand as you ride.

subway - the rule applies that everyone should be quiet... unless you're a solicitor that stops with a cart of junk and announce your sales pitch. the best solicitors of course are the ones that sell compilation CDs from the 60's of generic music. and then they play the music to let you "enjoy".

cars - screw child safety seats, we'll do things korean style.

fashion
notables - i saw a guy with little teddy bears dangling from his ears. i think they were supposed to be on a keychain.

konglish- even my english don't really read what the english on their shirts say. and they definitely don't pick up on the atrocious grammar. i liked the shirt that said "Jesus I will save you"

Observations - fluorescent is coming back in. and also currently girls still try to look like magazines, and they succeed more often than in Canada. Lastly I noted in many of my classes an element of superficiality. Actually more than an element. I asked what makes a person a good person and they said if they are good looking. I asked if an ugly person could be a good person. they said no. partly joking. only partly. so i asked if their mother was good looking. and they were a little stuck for an answer. check and mate.

Food
Sales- whole watermelons were about $10 and half watermelons were about $4.

Extra - if you thought we were bad for extra packaging, come here. Plus everything in the grocery store is wrapped with another random product. Example, i got pencil crayons with my cereal.

soju - the ultimate teenage pressure system plays out in korea. except it's not only with teenagers. the bosses take their employees out drinking, and they need to accept, and then they need to drink soju a horrible tasting cheap alcohol. it's gotten so bad that sometimes these employees carry an extra empty bottle with them so they can pour their drink in it when the boss doesn't look just to avoid drinking. my friend that has started university told me that she will need to drink a lot this weekend even though she doesn't want to. all the students are forced into drinking games... with their professor for frosh week. it's funny, i remember my university completely banned drinking during frosh week.

that's all the koreanisms for now.

On my way to work today I saw something very strange. I saw a claw vending machine. Actually, that isn't so strange. there are claw vending machines on almost every corner in korea. These are the machines that look like mini cranes that try to reach down to pick up toys. Usually the claw drops the toys. Anyway, this claw machine didn't have toys in it, it had real lobsters sitting in a tub of water. There were 3 older guys gathered around trying to get them. They already got one. It was great.

Then I got to work, and I started reading some of my students' essays. Actually, I couldn't even get past the first one. I laughed 'til i cried. Let me explain some details first. The school I work at is Avalon, The head teacher who disciplines the students is Jinny. And the essay topic was that they had to write their own ghost story. Now, here is the story (edited a bit for readability)...

World of Ghost

A European horse, and a Korean dog, and an Indian cat and a French crocodile all crash at the same place. They all die. Their souls all combine. They are made into a ghost. The ghost is crazy. It stole a knife at the Korean dog's master's house. When it finds people, it carries them to Avalon. Then the human feels horror because Avalon makes them feel horror. Finally, the humans kill themselves. One day, it carried a woman to Avalon but she didn't kill herself. It carried the woman to the top of Avalon. It said "why don't you feel horror at Avalon?" She said "I'm Jinny". The ghost was surprised and felt horror, but it said "I will hit you."
"Okay".
It advanced to Jinny, and it kicked her arm. Then Junny was angry, so Jinny kicked the ghost's face. The ghost picked up a knife and threw it at Jinny, but Jinny did the matrix. She kicked between the ghost's legs and the ghost is a boy. It ran from Jinny far away. The ghost felt horror. It wanted to die. So it tried to fall out of an apartment, but it didn't die. It was still okay. So it cut some trees and made a house and carried a female European horse, Korean dog, Indian cat, French crocodile, and crashed them at the same place. The souls combined too. It made a ghost. They loved and got 100 babies and went to kill Jinny. The got knives. They advanced to Jinny and hit Jinny. But Jinny is very strong, so they all died.

Did I mention that the students hate going to avalon, there's too much work, and they're always tired.

updates:

-soylent green is only 14 years away

-the head teacher was fired... er... i mean he "quit"

-our office is effectively a snowglobe, once us snowflakes settle into confort, we gotta be shaken up. so we recently changed seating in the office again.

- billkapoun.com when i saw this website i was deeply affected. it was the first time i've donated to anything online. i realized how easy something like that could happen to any of us.

-facebook is popular

-i've started interviewing foreigners over here. i'm going to compile their perspectives on korea

-i wanted to do a korean photo scavenger hunt, but i got almost zero interest

-i'm inconsistent at putting periods at the end of sentences

-i yell at students for not putting periods at the end.

-i saw "yell" figuratively.

i'm not sure exactly what's going through their minds, but i'm sure they've mistaken the bus for a sports car. these bus drivers honestly swerve in and out of traffic more than i ever did with the honda accord i drove. i'm constantly amazed.

actually, i've never had car sickness until i start riding the bus here. i'm almost positive that they need change the bus brakes every 500 kilometers. they stop at every bus stop as if at the very last second they realized they actually need to stop there. and if you are not looking directly at the bus you want on, the bus driver will drive away faster than you can turn your head. either that, or he won't even stop. i've had it happen where i was just looking in my wallet for the right change, and the bus was gone as soon as it stopped. now, whenever i want the bus, i am overly emphatic about showing that i want on that particular bus.

i think they have a stop watch at the bus starting point, and they are always trying to get the best record.

i won't even tell you about the taxi drivers.

i have a lot to say. i'll divide it into 3 sections. Three's seem to be pretty numbers. For example, I think 3 times is the minimum for something to be a trend.

anyway...
Chinese New Year!
A friend and I went to Busan, the 2nd biggest city in Korea, and right at the south end of the country.

we started out here in the "present situation".

we walked down the busy side alley...
and met up with a friend...after the first night of staying up too late. we were both exhausted the next day. Chase, the guy on the left was a little more tired because he got really drunk and couldn't find the motel for most of the night. the next day was great in the most penultimate of relaxing days.

we went to the aquarium and watched fish. became hypnotized by fish floating in the simple life. i wanted to be a fish for that moment. this sluggish day continued to a buffet, which then led to the pinnacle of relaxation: a Jimjil bang. basically a sauna. we took an elevator to a floor of all naked men sitting in hot tubs, or lying in saunas. then we could take the elevator up one floor after we put some pajama type clothes on. this area was a communal area. chase discovered how easy it is to accidentally go to the wrong floor. he stepped out on the naked lady floor and was quickly rushed back in the elevator. i guess koreans have the system figured out though.

later that night we walked around to the bars to waste time until our train home. and we met this drunk uzbekistan guy who bought us drinks and danced with us. i had to talk to him in korean since he didn't know english. he was hilarious.


SECTION 2...
Valentines day.

I have had a valentines tradition for about 5 years now. Each Valentines Day I play guitar and sing songs to strangers. and this year was no different. These are the receptionists at my school. I don't really know them.
my 5 song selection was:
1. Blue Rodeo - lost together
2. Stand by me - Ben E. King
3. Falling Slowly - Glen Hassard
4. All I want is you - U2
and of course...
5. Hero - Enrique Iglasius

I sang to in this order...
-the convenience store on my corner - (all i want is you)
-the coffee shop lady at my favorite coffee shop - (stand by me)
-the girls at my favourite sandwich shop - (lost together)
-the girl at the bakery - (Hero)
-the girls in the cosmetics area at the department store - (falling slowly)
-the girls at my school's reception area - (lost together)
-another convenience store - (hero)
-almost a girl at the street corner - (almost all i want is you)
-some girls at baskin robbins - (falling slowly)
-a girl at a hair salon (lost together)
-the teachers i work with (hero, falling slowly, lost together)
-and then i just sang as i walked around (i made up some songs, i also sang glycerine by bush)

i hope i can put the video of it on here some time.

what i noticed is that most koreans have such an idea about propriety that even when something as odd as a foreigner singing and playing songs while walking around is there, they will try hard not to look at it. or maybe they really didn't think it was that odd.


SECTION 3...

work is good. but the new schedule has thrown me off-cantor. but i will be back on track in a week. strange fluctuations at work have it that 4 people are leaving at the end of this month all of which before the end of their contract. the head foreign teacher is supposedly being fired for starting a rumor that may or may not be true about the manager. two korean teachers are taking off for australia. another foreign teacher is leaving because he's grumpy. i don't know the details. and i have heard that several others may be going. it's a good place to work i think as long as you aren't involved in the politics. although, there is an option for me that i may be offered head foreign teacher position. interesting prospects. who knows...

that's all for now.

It's chinese new year here. So i think this is still semi-appropriate.

there are stages of cultural acclimation. people say it's at about the 3 month mark that you really feel the homesickness. i forget the other stages. let's just imagine there's the sad stage, and mad stage, and glad stage, etc.

anyway, i've reached the point where i just don't feel like eating any korean food. it's kinda funny. i used to try it out and enjoy it, but now i just want burritos, and pizza and pasta, and sandwiches, and no korean food. i still eat it sometimes. maybe in a month i'll be different. i'm not homesick, i just don't want the food.

tips on writing to someone that has english as a second language.

1.cut out unnecessary colloquial grammar.
-so no: "check it out man, i was hitting up mickie d's, and some dude standing in line reeked like a mofo"
2.use words that have obvious dictionary definitions
-so no: "i'd tap that."
3. keep it simple.
4. spell words right.

now i just wish some koreans would follow these rules when writing in korean to me.

funny anecdote. i met a korean the other day and i told her my name was malcolm. and i spelled my name in korean. the problem is that the one korean letter called rieul can be transliterated as an "r" or an "l". so when this korean wrote to me in english she called me marcolm. so i wrote back in korean and said, no it's malcolm. but my korean is terrible, and she thought i meant marcolm is right and malcolm is wrong. so she's called me marcolm several more times since.

anyway, it's actually kinda interesting learning a new language because you get to feel like a kid again. i even get told often that when i write in the korean script it looks like a little kids writing.

koreans seem to be less concerned about bathroom proprieties. i think it's hilarious when i see some of the students during the break trying to go to the washroom. the boys are crowded in the washroom, the door isn't even closed. they don't care. and the kid at the front taking a pee is being shoved from behind by the boy waiting. i couldn't imagine being jostled while peeing, but there's no problem with that here. i don't think it happens when you're older, but i could be wrong.

other notes:
i should never play poker. 7 of us played, i was out of money before the end of the first round. luckily it was only $10.

people are easy to meet, hard to keep. what i mean is that i meet so many people, and get some numbers, but then the next day when i ask if they want to go to coffee the usually give an excuse. the best one so far is that "i'm afraid of english". i thanked them for their honesty.

holidays are coming this week. i forgot to buy tickets to go someone far away, so i'm just going to the south of korea, the 2nd biggest city in korea. busan. maybe later i'll go to the phillipines. speaking of which, why is the phillipines one of those places that need "the" in front of it?

lastly, i'm planning to make a video soon. if i do it, then i'll post it here.

the secret to not being tickled is to pretend that it is you doing that to yourself. being unticklish is a sign of comfort. that's why you're usually not ticklish with a masseuse because the very idea of it is to be comfortable.

so i went to a coffee shop called dr.fish on the weekend. most things seemed fairly normal about this coffee shop, albeit the atmosphere and coffee were awesome. the one thing unusual though were bath tub style fish tanks that were level with the floor. in the tanks of course were the dr.fish. apparently this particular type of fish nibbles at dead skin on your feet. and for a couple bucks those feet could be yours.

i sat with my feet in the bathtub fishtanks imagining in my mind that the 100 or so fish nibbling at my feet were actually my own hands somehow poking them in a thousand different places, and that it was not many tiny fish enjoying my smelly foot supper. it was probably the worst self-inflicted tickling i've had. but i kinda enjoyed it once i got used to it. i felt loved. and actually it kinda felt like when your foot falls asleep, except without your foot being asleep.

anyway, now i need to find a date that would like to go to dr.fish with me sometime.

i think it's funny in class when the question asked returns the response "poo".

but they don't say poo in english, they say it in korean. which of course requires a translation.

now ask a cute little korean girl a translation for poo and watch as she clenches her teeth and pretends to make a pushing sound. it's hilarious.

by the way, the question asked was: what would be the worst animal to have for a pet?

various stories...

i was on the bus and i was talking to a lady. her english was very broken, but like i said, i've come to appreciate that. it's endearing when they still try to talk to you. at one point she said to me:
"can I ask you a personal question?"
i thought " there isn't possibly a question you'd be be willing to ask me that is too personal" so I said "yes".
She said "are you happy with how much money you make?"
I said "why?" usually when they ask that it's because they have a job proposition.
Finally, after much struggling with language I understood what she was suggesting. she said that another english teacher told her about his job, which was similar to my except that he had to go work at many different schools. basically it is an on call english teacher job.
she told me this with amazement that i can make a lot of money doing this even more than she makes. so i said how much. she confidently wrote with her finger on a wall a number that she assumed would impress me. i quickly realized her error, and i felt very bad for her. she wrote 2,000,000 won on the wall. and i tried to say in a humble way, i make more than that. incredulous, she asked how long do you work. i said 7 hours a day. even more incredulous she asked if i work on the weekends. i said no. she was in a stupor. i tried to be humble but clearly not enough. the thing is, in korea, english teachers make a lot more than their korean counterparts. also they work a lot less, and their apartments are paid for. i try not to tell any koreans how much i make because they'll probably be jealous, and resent foreigners. it's amazing, we have such an easy job and we can make really decent money. the only drawback is that we are far from friends or family.

i have another interesting story, but this is already too long. i've gotten into a habit of writing really long notes.

PICKLE DAY

today was pickle day for my one class. what is pickle day? pickle day is when the pizza shop gives you a mini tub of sweet pickles with every pizza you order. then you collect those pickles in your fridge for the nearly 4 months you've been living there because you don't like sweet pickles. the next step is finding out that all the students like pickles. so you bring your 15 tubs of pickles into the class and announce pickle day.

the best part is when some kids realize there's an expiration date on the pickles, and most of them are expired. kids are so smart these days.

YAY PICKLE DAY